she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
