yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
