im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Sober January is a disaster.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
