You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
