fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
