im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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