The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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