I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
