Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
