Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
