Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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