you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
