Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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