feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
