My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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