So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
