I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
