I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
