i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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