so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
