Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
