Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
babies were throwing up all over the place
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
