I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
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Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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