...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
