There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
