the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
