I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
