At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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