Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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