I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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