I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize