I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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