Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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