i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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