My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
