He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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