Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
