honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
