The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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