There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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