Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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