I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
