I accidentally had phone sex last night
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
