I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
