Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
