Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
