why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
