i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
