the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
