Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
