Having a random hookup so left but love u
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
