btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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