can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
