walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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