its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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