careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
