I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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