He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
