so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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