dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
