She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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