wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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