How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
