Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
