So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
