I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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