didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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