i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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