Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
