Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
