Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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