The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
