are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
