I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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