this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
