I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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