Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
