Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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