You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
