tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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