I love black thongs
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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