Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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