The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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