We won't sleep together?
Umm I'm too high to move.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
