STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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