make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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