I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
