just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
