He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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