I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
