the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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