just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you will always have a special place in my vag
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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