Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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