Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
