I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
