I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I didn't notice because vodka
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
