i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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