I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
birth control should be required to get into college
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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